I am a perfectionist. I am a control freak. I smile often. I show little weakness. I hold myself to an unreachable standard. And, inevitably, I disappoint myself time and time again. Through these disappointments, these failures, pieces of me are chipped away. The love that I have for myself is peppered with the holes of my shortcomings. But guess what. God doesn’t stop loving you because you stop loving yourself.
This is a hard concept for me to grasp, and as a result, it hinders my walk with Christ. Those moments where I feel like I’ve failed, I also feel like God sees me as a failure. Ya’ll, that is just not true! My human brain and the darkness that is constantly trying to penetrate it, tells me that I am seen only by my mistakes. I am loved only by my successes. I am clean only by the water that washes over me. Sometimes, I can’t see past this fog that envelops my vision. Sometimes, I feel as though I can’t be forgiven. Sometimes, I walk away from God.
This clouded vision, this storm that is persistently roaring within me, causes me to doubt the faithfulness of my God. If that isn’t the devil at work then I don’t know what is! The thing is, sometimes I let him in. I let him plant that seed of doubt in my mind. I make a mistake, and then I convince myself that it’s the mistake that I can’t come back from. I feel like I mess up too much to be worthy of God’s love.
I am telling you all this because I want you to know that I am not a “good Christian”. I veer from my path far more often than I follow it. I royally screw up way more than I get it right. But you know what is amazing? Every single time that I veer, every single time that I screw things up, God welcomes me back with open arms and forgiveness. His mercy is unending and His love for me doesn’t run out because I run out of love for myself.
What I consistently fail to remember is that perfection is not a requirement to lie before Christ. In fact, imperfection is inevitable. He alone is perfect, and though we strive to be Christ-like, we will always fall short. It is our human nature. It is our curse. It is our blessing. For because of our failures, we get to abide in our God’s love and forgiveness. Think about this: Nothing that we do will ever stop God’s love for us. He loves us as sinners. He loved us before we were placed on this earth even knowing the horrible things that we would do. Can you even imagine loving someone that much? Romans 5:8 says God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Whoa. Let me just go plaster this on every open surface in my house. BRB.
Have you figured out the point of all this yet? Well here it is. Your imperfection is perfect in His eyes. Your brokenness is whole in His eyes. When you are crumbling, He will pick up the pieces of your shattered life. He is the glue that holds you together, not the glaring fire that burns you down. God doesn’t stop loving you because you stop loving yourself.