Married to Med-school: 2nd Year

Married to Med-school

Welcome to the very first edition of my “Married to Med-school” series! When the idea to start this blog wiggled into my mind, my first thought was that I was not going to start this thing if I didn’t have something to offer others. (Hint as to why it took me soooo long to finally enter the blogging world!) Once Jeremy started medical school last year I began scouring the internet trying to find other wives in my situation…..apparently med-school wives live at the bottom of the ocean, and I don’t blame them!

Being the sole support system for a future physician is not for the feint of heart (FYI: Haley N. Jacobs does indeed have a feint heart), and it takes an unbelievable amount of work. Being a med-school wife is seriously the toughest job I have ever had to do. *Enter light-bulb illuminating my brain* If I am finding this life to be trying–to say the least–at times, I’m sure other wives and fiances and girlfriends are going through the same. So I hope that through these posts and through this blog I can create a sort of support system for other wives in similar circumstances.

For those of you that don’t know, my husband, Jeremy, is right in the middle of his 2nd year of med-school at Quillen College of Medicine in Johnson City, TN. At the close of this year he will be taking the biggest test of his life…a test that will change our lives forever. This test will determine what specialty that he can match into (what type of doctor he can be) and where we will be spending the 3+ years for residency/fellowship following med-school. Holy pressure, right? This means that for 15-17 hours everyday he is in class, studying for classes, or studying for Step 1. If you’re doing the math, that only leaves 7 hours left in the day, and 0 of those are allocated to date night. So how do we get through it? With a whole lotta tears! (Ha! Kidding…mostly.) The following 6 bits of advice are a few things that make this time more tolerable.

  1. Lower your expectations

This sounds bad, but honestly it’s so important. First year may have seemed tough, but it’s nothing compared to second year. At the close of these 9 months, your husband/fiancé/boyfriend’s knowledge and test taking ability will determine the next season of your lives. Hello massive amounts of stress and massive amounts of studying! This means even less time to spend together…if you can even imagine that. The sooner you realize this and accept it, the better things will go. Stop comparing this year to last. It’s a different world now, and you must adjust.

  1. Schedule things to look forward to

As a med-school couple, date nights are already few and far between. In second year, that’s taken to a whole new level. It can be hard to remember that there is, in fact, a light at the end of the tunnel. Something that helps Jeremy and I (mostly me, because let’s be real, all he notices at this point are Step 1 books and Pharmacology notes….but if I had a gnarly tumor, oh man I’d get all the attention!) is to schedule a special weekend or day trip that we can look forward to. We might plan to visit some of our out of town friends for the weekend or to go out to a nice restaurant that we wouldn’t normally eat at. By scheduling these special times, it gives us both something to set our focus on when we feel like we can’t possibly make it through another day of this med-school life.

  1. Take notice of small moments

This is quite possibly the most important item on this list and the one that I struggle with the most. With so little time to spend with one another, it is essential for our marriage to truly appreciate those small, seemingly insignificant moments that we get to spend together. And when I say small and insignificant, I mean it! We’re talking cooking a meal together, watching a show together, or even just getting a moment to laugh together. When I get frustrated with the trials that I am faced with daily as a wife of a future physician, I try to turn my focus to all of those little moments. It does my heart a world of good.

  1. Stop comparing yourselves to other couples

Seriously, how stinkin’ hard is this?! Here you are sitting alone in the living room of your apartment, folding your 5th load of laundry, and binge watching the episodes of The Bachelor that you’ve missed, while your other married friends are out buying houses, and going on trips, and doing all of these things that you wish you could do with your husband. How can you not compare the two?! Just don’t. Stop it right now. You’re torturing yourself.

.Your husband is training to save lives! Do you realize that? He will one day hold human lives in his hands. How blessed are you to be standing beside a man that has the determination to walk that path? Just stop and think about that for a moment. It takes such a selfless person to put themselves through the stress and the mountain of work just to simply help others, and you’re married to that person! So suck it up, be patient, and be thankful! Great things are to come!

  1. Realize that most people don’t understand

I know what you’re thinking, “Is there anything on this list that’s easy to do?” My answer to that would be “No, no there is not.” That’s because this situation is not easy. It’s hard, really hard, and people don’t understand that. Sometimes, when this life gets to be a bit too much to handle, it’s nice to vent to a friend, sibling or parent. This gets sort of sticky, because, most of the time, the people closest to us are on the outside looking in. Sometimes, they can see a man who cares more about his career than about you. What they don’t see is a man who values your opinion and wants you to have everything that you dream of. Sometimes, they see you alone on a Friday night. What they don’t see is a man working so hard to achieve something so special and so beneficial to your lives. So, my advice to you is this: be careful when taking advice from those that don’t understand. They only see half of the picture.

  1. Pray for peace & patience

Remember when I said that noticing small moments was the most important item on the list? Yeah, I lied. This is actually the most important. There’s not much to say about this one. Just read these verses, keep the prayers flowing, and you will be heard.

” And so it was that he, having waited long and endured patiently, realized and obtained what God had promised.” Hebrews 6:15

“My peace I give unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.” John 14:27

Holiday Outfit Inspo

Holiday Outfit Inspo So they keep telling me that Christmas is less than a week away, and I’m not sure I believe them. Does anyone else feel like it should still be October? Seriously, where has the time gone?!

Anyone who knows me knows that I am obsessed with Christmas. I am the person that has the local Christmas music radio station on for the entire month of December….honestly I don’t ever turn it off. I just cannot get enough. I love all of the parties and decorations and family time. I mean what is better than spending special moments and making special memories with the ones that you hold closest to your heart? Oh and the food….really I’m just here for the food. I’m sure that most of you have some sort of gathering to attend sometime during the next week, so why not rock a fabulous outfit while stuffing your face with delicious dishes?

I have to be honest, when it comes to fashion, I like to choose outfits that do not require a ton of accessorizing. I like for the pieces to look like I’ve put a lot of thought into them, but to actually be quick and easy to throw together. This outfit is just that. I’ve been super into midi skirts recently, and this one is absolutely perfect for the holiday season. That red…ugh, can my whole wardrobe be burgundy please? Oh and this shirt. Could it be any sweeter? I’m such a sucker for super feminine pieces, an this top gives the perfect feminine flair to the outfit. I accessorized with a simple diamond solitaire necklace to keep it classic.

The version of the outfit that is shown here is a little on the sweet side, but it could easily be transformed into an edgy ensemble. Just throw on a fitted moto jacket and replace those heels with some black booties and you’re good to go! I’ll link some of my favorites below!

Whether you’re decked out in holiday apparel or you’re staying in your PJs all day, don’t forget to stop and appreciate the time that you have with family and friends. Hug them all extra tight this Christmas!

Holiday Outfit Inspo Holiday Outfit Inspo Holiday Outfit Inspo Shirt: Similar here & here (LOVE this one!)

Skirt: Similar here (Ugh, the bow. I die.) & here (This velvet is gorgeous)

Shoes: Nine West (also love these!)

Booties: Love these & these

Moto Jacket: Love this one by Tommy Hilfiger

Lips: Bite Beauty’s Matte Crème Lip Crayon in Glace (This is my go to…seriously. Everyday.)

8 Stocking Stuffers for the Man in your Life

 

stocking stuffers

Ya’ll, Christmas is 9 days away! Is that even possible? This Christmas is the very first Christmas that Jeremy and I will spend MARRIED. It is the best feeling to know that for this Christmas and for every Christmas to come, I will love and be loved by such a special man. A man that is as special as mine deserves stocking stuffers that are equally as special, and I’m sure that you feel the same about that special man in your life. That’s where I come in….Every stocking stuffer listed below is husband approved!

1.    Cards Against Humanity

If ya’ll haven’t played this game yet we can’t be friends…..okay maybe we can, but you must experience the hilarity.This is like Apples to Apples but for adults. Can you imagine?! No you can’t, so just go play it. Like right now.

Does your guy like to party or have friends over often? This gift is PERFECT. Use it as a drinking game or just to have a good laugh. You will not regret this purchase!

2.    Patterned Socks

You may be thinking, “Wow, Haley. Socks. Real original.” But these patterned socks can be a cool gift for the professional man in your life. As some of you may know, my husband is a second year medical student. That makes for lots of slacks, lots of collared shirts, lots of ties, and lots of ironing for Haley. In a sea of boring professional dress, these socks are a secret pop of personality.

3.    Whiskey Stones

This gift is definitely Man Cave approved. These super stylish whiskey stones would make the perfect addition to any bar or bar cart. Your man will adore the functionality and the masculine feel of this sweet gift. I love the granite that these stones are made of and that it comes with a tray and two tumblers for less than $40.

4.    Swell Water Bottle

What to buy the Yeti lover in your life that already owns one in every size? Swell could be the perfect gift. I’ve recently been slightly obsessed with products made from wood or with a wooden texture, so when I saw that the Swell bottles came in a wood print, I was sold. These bottles keep your drinks cold for 24 hours all while making you appear super stylish, and they are perfect to bring along for long school days or days at the office.

5.    Glass Reusable Coffee Cup

When your husband drinks as much coffee as mine does, an unlimited supply of travel coffee mugs are a necessity. Sometimes thermoses can be a little bit bulky and a hassle to carry. These 12 oz. glass coffee cups are perfect for just one more morning cup. This one even has a cork grip that adds a little something extra to the look of the mug.

6.    Candy Cane Beard Shampoo

Have a bearded man in your life? This one’s for you. We all know that a bearded man is an attractive man, but those of us with bearded men of our own also know how itchy kisses can become. This stocking stuffer is perfect to keep your man’s beard soft and touchable.

7.    Wooden Bottle Opener

We’re back to wooden things again….I told you I’m obsessed! This wooden bottle opener will not only make the perfect stocking stuffer for the beer connoisseur in your life, but the company that produces it has an awesome mission. I am always a sucker for unique products with a mission behind them, and this is no exception. This wooden bottle opener by Woodchuck is part of their Buy One Plant One initiative. For every product bought from the Woodchuck website, one tree will be planted in either North America or Africa. Yay for saving the planet!!

8.    Carryon Cocktail Kit

This. Is. Adorable. I recently saw this miniature cocktail kit at a nearby barber shop and immediately searched for the Amazon version (because let’s be honest, specialty stores and low prices are not typically one and the same). This is the perfect stocking stuffer size, and it comes with everything you need to make two miniature Old Fashioned cocktails (minus the alcohol). You also have a choice between a Moscow Mule, Champagne cocktail, Bloody Mary, Hot Toddy or Gin & Tonic. It’s the perfect carry on addition!

 

10 Things I Wish I Would have Done on my Wedding Day

Wedding

Disclaimer: My wedding was such a magical day. I thank God for beautiful weather, beautiful family, and a beautiful man that met me at the end of that aisle. These are just a few bits of that day that could have meant a smoother ride.

1.An Unplugged Wedding…at least until the reception.

This is a concept that never even crossed my mind during my months of wedding planning. With so many decisions to make and so many factors to consider, some things just get looked over. In my case, this was one of those things. That being said, I so wish that I would have thought of this! I mean does anyone know how frustrating it is to round up a whole bridal party for photos to begin with?! It is not, by any means, easy. Then you add in fifteen family members holding up their cameras, telling everyone to look fifteen different directions……I wanted to scream. (Keep in mind that at this point I hadn’t eaten all day and it was roughly 90 degrees) So my suggestion to you would be to put up a sign that’s 7 feet tall and reads, “Pull out your camera. I dare you.” Okay so maybe you word it a little more nicely….or not…who cares about semantics, right?

2. Take the time to enjoy it….I mean really enjoy it.

Time on your wedding day goes by so unbelievably quickly. There are so many things buzzing around you. So many people entering and exiting. So many questions being asked. So many final decisions to be made. “Haley, does this table arrangement look okay?” “Haley, is this the correct first dance song?” “Haley, Maci (our flower girl) refuses to wear the headband.” It. Is. Overwhelming. You don’t even have time to be nervous or anxious or excited. To do it over again would mean to sit back and enjoy it. To relish in the moments right before my life would be forever changed. To sit and let my body fill with giddy anticipation while I await the walk that will lead me to my greatest love. That is how I wish I would have spent my wedding day. Those moments are so special. So real. So necessary.

3. Choose a Cooler (Less Humind) Month

Where are all my curly hair girls at? This one’s for you. Mid June in Tennessee is always two things: hot and HUMID. For those of us that have the blessing (or curse) of spiral locks, those two things can make for a lethal combination. Don’t get me wrong, I LOVED my hair on my wedding day thanks to my amazing hair dresser Casey York (If anyone is in the Middle Tennessee area with an upcoming wedding or formal event, you should definitely look her up!), but it would have been nice to have long bouncy curls for that sweet flower crown to sit atop.

4. Plan the Ceremony to Start Later in the Day

This is something that I fought for during my wedding planning process, but, ultimately, I was outvoted. I had this vision of having the perfect ambiance right at dusk with a thousand candles all burning at once (not to mention it would have been much cooler). While I did have lots of candles lit, it just was not the same in full light.

5. Get a Videographer

I know, I know. Don’t give me the “What?! What do you mean you didn’t have a videographer?!” look.

My name is Haley Jacobs, and apparently I live under a rock…..with no wifi. Obviously I missed the Pinterest Post titled, “Don’t Ever Have a Wedding without a Videographer. Like EVER.”

This is 100% the most important item on this list. If I could change only one thing about my wedding, it would be this. Remember what I said earlier about time passing so quickly on your wedding day? Well it’s actually like living a whole day in fast-forward. It is impossible to be able to think back on that day and recall all the sweet little details. I wish so badly that I could relive the exchanging of our vows over and over again. I will always keep and treasure the written versions of our vows, but it would be so special to have the ability to show our future children how much love surrounded us on the day we said “I do.”

So if you take absolutely anything from this post, take this. Splurge and get a videographer. The End. Just do it.

6. Make a List of Most Important Photos to give to the Photographer

This one probably seems obvious too, but somehow I seemed to look over it as well. Give me a break! Planning your own wedding is hard! This is so important, though. You want to make sure that you and you and your photographer are on the same page so that you don’t end up disappointed when you get back the final edits of those oh so special photos. If seeing his face when you’re walking down the aisle is most important to you, that should be item #1 on your list. Other moments to keep in mind are the first kiss, first dance, and the exchanging of rings. These are moments that you will want to look back on and remember with perfect clarity.

7. Write a letter to each other to exchange on that day

It’s almost 6 months later and I am still kicking myself for not doing this! Those that know me, know that I am the sappiest most sentimental person that ever walked the earth. How could I not have done this?! I reread our wedding vows on the weekly. How special would it be to have the ability to reread words from my husband that came from a place of anxious, giddy excitement on the morning of our wedding day?

8. Hire a Wedding Coordinator for the Reception

I was not about hiring a wedding planner for my wedding. We weren’t having a huge wedding, and I was sure that I could handle it all on my own. I guess I did “handle” it, but if I had it to do over, I would have hired a professional to make it go as smoothly as possible. By the time the reception rolls around, the last thing on your mind is remembering in which order the events of the night should unfold. For the ceremony, the only thing to worry about is walking down the aisle in the correct order and meeting your soon to be husband at the end. The reception is a little bit more complicated than that. While the most important event takes place during the ceremony, the bulk of the evening’s events take place during the reception. This results in a whole lot of chaos if not properly planned for, so make it easier on yourself and hire someone who knows what they are doing!

9. Have a First Look with my Dad

This is actually something that I had planned on doing but ran out of time before the ceremony. So I guess for this one, you get two in one: Have a first look with your dad and make sure you have planned enough time for photos!

My Dad was mush on my wedding day. During our walk down the aisle, during the father-daughter dance, during everything. It was the sweetest thing! I was so excited to have this special moment with just he and I before he gave me away to my husband. There just was not enough time to fit everything in! I was so disappointed that this was something that fell through the cracks. Being married now, there are not many occasions that I get to spend special moments with my dad. I wish so much that I could have had this memory to share together forever.

10. Do Something Special with my Bouquet

Also something that I had planned on doing. As you can tell, I had great intentions but not the greatest execution! Oh well, I tried… I carried around my bouquet all night long, determined not to lose it. I literally would not let this thing out of my sight. Despite all of my effort, I still left my bouquet at the venue! I could have screamed. Being such a sentimental person, I wanted to transform my bouquet into something that I could keep forever. Has anyone seen the jewelry that is made from flowers that you send in from your bouquet?! Ya’ll they are seriously the most adorable sentiments ever! Click here to check them out!

Why Broken Washing Machines are so Important

Memories broken washing machines I feel like we get lost in the forrest of life sometimes and forget to stop to look at our trees. This thought popped into my head today while doing laundry of all things. I was frustrated because our washing machine sometimes gets a bit confused and won’t start until you unplug it and let it reset. I was thinking, “I cannot wait to get out of this tiny apartment and have new things that work when and how they are supposed to.” But in the moment after that thought, I had somewhat of a revelation. These are the times that we will remember. 

These are the moments, the quirks of life, that Jeremy and I will look back on fondly. When life runs its course and we’re smack dab in the middle of complexity and controversy, we’ll look back and smile at the memories of broken washing machines and tiny apartments.

We catch ourselves at times getting caught up in wishing for someday. What we don’t realize is that these little, seemingly insignificant moments are just as important as someday. This tiny apartment with the broken washing machine has been our first home together. It has been the stage for goofy dances, and the walls hold words from deep conversations spoken late at night. We have dreamed together and loved together here. We have fought and made up here, and we have learned hard life lessons here. This small home is seeping with special moments that I want to hold onto forever.

Soon Jeremy and I will be making another big move to another unfamiliar town filled with unfamiliar faces. We’ll move into an unfamiliar home with walls that hold memories made by previous residents. A home that will not yet feel like our own. Jeremy will start residency, and those late night conversations and kitchen dance parties will happen much less often. Life, like it always does, will take over. So when you find yourself frustrated by things like broken washing machines, remember what that broken washing machine stands for. For me, it stands for our beginning…where we came from.